As Olen and I were sitting at the kitchen table having a snack on Monday afternoon, it started to snow. It wasn’t a serious snow, it wasn’t going to accumulate. But it was beautiful and when I told Olen to look outside at the snow, he got so excited. As soon as he was done eating, I bundled us both up in our warmest jackets/gloves/hats and we went outside to wander around in the snow.
It wasn’t sticking at all, but it was coming down pretty significantly. I taught Olen to stick his tongue out and try to catch a snowflake. We laughed and stuck out our tongues.
He was all smiles as he practiced his new word: “flurries”. Since then, even though it’s only rained, he’s been talking about snow, asking for snow. As it should be in January!
My job is done.
Last month I saw a Lifehacker article about how to take great holiday photos with your iPhone and ferreted it away for future reference. My favorite tip was to use your headphones as a remote. While I like to think I’m fairly graceful with my movements, I’m notoriously unsteady with cameras of all kinds.
We’re in a train phase.
Using the headphones as a remote also was a good test to see if my iPhone camera’s constant focusing and refocusing while I’m trying to line up a shot was a problem with the camera or a problem with its operator. (For once, it might be the camera.)
I use Instagram from time to time, but whenever I do I long for the feeling I had when I used flickr more a few years ago. Somewhere along my timeline, the intrusiveness of all of the sharing and tagging and meta got in the way of just taking a photo just for the sake of taking a photo. And then sharing it, because I can.
I ate this apple yesterday.
I used to love digital “toy” cameras (pencam, wristcam), taking all of the complication and settings out of photography and replacing them with the acceptance of flaws, even those that weren’t created by the camera’s shortcomings. Having that same atmosphere in a social app must be so freeing for so many people.
This quote — about Instagram — hits me with a pang to create:
As I used the app more and more, something surprising happened: I became increasingly observant of the world around me. Walking to the subway the other day, I spotted a backhoe parked on a corner and got curious—what could I do with that?
Replace “the app” with “the iPhone camera”. Filters shmilters.
I should be so lucky to remember I’ve got a powerful photography tool in my pocket, in my hands, all day every day.
Olen’s winter break from preschool is coming to an end tomorrow and he’s really had a great time these past few days. Of course, with a ton of new toys from a birthday and Christmas plus both parents home from work, what kid wouldn’t have a blast?
The toy of the week here is a wooden train set we bought for Olen a few months ago. We recently added an expansion set to it and I crafted a tunnel with a pair of scissors and an empty tissue box. More tunnels have been made from Mega Bloks and mega tunnels were made with chairs and even our ottoman.
Just before Christmas, we went to visit a few train gardens and that really enhanced Olen’s play. One of the train gardens was at a local railroad museum and we were lucky to see a real train go by on the tracks nearby as we were arriving. Very exciting! It may have frightened Olen a little — it was very big and very loud — but I think he’s working through it with play.
Olen’s been making train sound effects ever since. Sickasickasickasicka woo! He started building his own bridges and tunnels with spare parts too. He’s always put pieces together to lay out the tracks, and he’s starting to show interest in more complex layouts, maybe even ones that connect up together. He’s spent most of his play time on the floor with the trains, running them over bridges and through tunnels and forwards and backwards.
I’ve really enjoyed watching him find new and different ways of playing with his train set. I really love it when he lies down on the floor and puts his face as close to one end of a tunnel as he can and runs the train right by at eye-level.
. . .
He got a tricycle from his grandparents for Christmas and the weather was just nice enough (high of 59!) this past weekend to go outside and try it out. While TPS assembled it, I took Olen out to fit him for a helmet. While we were at the store I told him that his grandparents got him the trike, Dad was assembling it, and he needed to wear his fancy hat to ride the trike. He didn’t stop chattering about “ride bikes!” all the way home.
When we walked in the door, the tricycle was fully assembled and sitting in the hall in view of the front door. Olen flipped out. Over and over again: “Bike! Dada made bike! Riiiiide bike!”
Dad gets all the credit!
Seeing all of this excitement from him is such a rush, I can totally see how someone could buy mountains of toys for their kid just to see their face light up over and over again. Then again, Olen got almost as excited today when he saw some Christmas lights still up at someone’s house, so I think I won’t be racking up megagillions of Rewards’R'Us points just yet.
We took him out and started the process of teaching him to pedal and steer. He’s got the steering part down! The tricycle has an optional handle attachment, which we’ve been using, that allows us to push and/or steer but he doesn’t need the steering part at all. He hasn’t quite figured out the pedaling yet, but we’re working on it.
To begin 2011, I skirted traditional resolutions and tried to hone in my focus. I’m proud to report that by all of the standards I listed, this year was successful and prosperous and we accomplished so, so much.
I hit the ground running in February: I took a photography class, chose our CSA, and tried a new vegetable home-delivery service. I also took a deep breath and tried to relax while Olen learned to walk.
We took a vacation in March and the struggles we had with Olen and eating in restaurants spawned one of my favorite posts of the entire year.
I didn’t write a lot in April, but we took another vacation, I took a lot of photos, and we toured preschools for Olen. We found one we really liked and got on their waiting list.
May marked our third wedding anniversary. We celebrated by having dinner at the place we were married. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact TPS and I haven’t been together longer than this. Every step we take together feels perfect and natural, like it’s always been this way and always will be.
In June, things got busier and I’m so glad I was writing more. Our CSA started, Olen turned 18 months old, we found out Olen had a peanut allergy, and Diva turned nine. I also started a separate blog to chronicle some of my adventures in video games.
July was the 14th anniversary of this web site. Also in July, Olen was obsessed with bananas (and videos about bananas) and our CSA continued to be awesome.
August, I wanted to write more but my head was off in its own dark place without words. I was anxious all the time, having panic attacks, and I was completely on edge. I tried a ton of things to get it to go away include acupuncture, massage, exercise. It didn’t get better for a few months and I think it all got better because I started taking a B-complex vitamin daily.
At the beginning of September, Diva passed away. The month brought some new insight for me on writing and personal branding. I also had some adventures in toddler translation, with respect to breastfeeding.
October was totally awesome: Olen said “I love you” and he — who certainly doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do, which is mostly everything we want him to do — actually wore his Halloween costume.
November I did NaBloPoMo: a post every day. One day, I tallied up the total weight I’d lost over the course of the past few years and realized I was no longer carrying a canoe, or a golden retriever, or a huge baby around with me. Olen moved to a toddler bed and started preschool at the end of the month.
December went by in a flash: Olen weaned just shy of 2 years old, he came down with his first preschool-related illness, we celebrated his 2nd birthday, and the next thing I knew it was Christmas. And Christmas with a fresh 2 year old was the best. THE BEST.
Here’s to a 2012 with more of the same awesomeness, and as always more writing, documenting, memories.
A tiny bit of business before I go forth with the Christmas 2011 recap: Olen slept 11 straight hours last night and thus I slept 9 straight hours last night. Oh, you say you need your car moved somewhere? No, don’t bother giving me the keys, I’ll just hoist it onto my shoulders! No problem! What a difference some good solid sleep made: there hasn’t been a single screech or tantrum this morning. And that’s just for me! (Ba-dum-ching.)
Christmas with a newly-minted two year old was awesome. He was so well-behaved and social at the family Christmas eve party, even though we kept him up 2.5 hours past his bedtime.
Coming down the stairs on Christmas morning was pretty magical, even if it was still dark outside. He saw the presents under the tree and started chattering about Santa and presents and making his own sound effects of Santa dropping presents out of his sleigh into every house below. “Vwooop! Vwooooooop!”
He’s not yet old enough to be present-hungry — or maybe that’s a little of my doing — and he was polite and adorable while opening presents. He made sure every last bit of tape and wrapping paper was removed before playing with his new things. He also took time to distribute presents to everyone before opening his. “Dada, open!” “For Mama!”
Santa brought him a sled — but seriously where’s the snow this year? I hope we get a chance to use it. We also bought him a recycling truck and a big boy booster seat. (Goodbye highchair!)
The recycling truck was a hit.
Everyone else spoiled him rotten, especially the grandparents. We’ve now got a tricycle to assemble and more books than I ever imagined we’d get when I put the generic “more books” on his wishlist. I’m secretly really looking forward to giving away a box or two of his old toys now that there are more than enough replacements. We’re so very lucky.
We capped the holiday weekend off with a Christmas-night dinner of takeout Indian food and an early bedtime. And then Olen slept all night.
It was perfect.
I write a lot of things that never get published, some good and some bad and most in a strange place in the middle. I tried for a while to write the events but what I want is to tell stories. I’m okay using that voice, wherever it went, wherever it is now. Some stories that need to be told feel too raw and they end up feeling cold and alone in the place where they aren’t told. Some stories get to be told and still feel that way. Struggling with this in my head leaves so many words unsaid and I realize how every day I am still trying to find my voice, but not using any voice isn’t getting me there at all.
Long stretches of sleep are rare. Olen’s been waking in the middle of the night, but instead of looking around and then going back to sleep, he climbs out of his bed — because he can, I hate toddler beds — and explores his room. Many nights I find myself on the floor of Olen’s bedroom, guiding him back to bed, counting sheep and listening to white noise. Sometimes I fall asleep there and dream the mysterious floor-dreams.
With lack of sleep the anxiety works itself into the cracks. With lack of sleep comes lack of motivation to do things, like write so I can find my voice, like work out so the anxiety stays away. Add in a sprinkle of Christmas panic for good measure and I find myself putting my bathing suit on 3 hours early just so I won’t back out of going for a swim.
If it weren’t for the break I get to work and rest while Olen’s in school I probably wouldn’t be doing so well right now. I’m staving off the anxiety, I’m ready as I’m going to be for Christmas, and even though I’m so tired in the afternoons and evenings, Olen and I are in a nice deep groove, playing with toys and hanging out without a lot of fanfare or tantrums. Enjoyable moments, so many moments every day I’d like to bottle and sniff when things aren’t so easy or comfortable.
Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas this year. It’s raining and temperatures are warm, in the upper 50s outside. Inside, stockings are hung, most presents are wrapped and under the tree, and candy cane tea is being consumed in mass quantities. Something’s just missing though, maybe it’s the snow. It should have snowed by now.
I’m feeling like I’m in a warm place, a solid and at-peace place. It’s not perfect but it’s close enough. Bring on the cold.